Thank you for sharing!

Okay, take a deep breath with me. Inhale. Clear the space in your mind and allow an open mind and heart for the words I’m about to say. Exhale.

Alright, now we’re ready.

This is going to be a tad controversial, as I’m going to address something that the world and our culture puts a lot of value in. But as I study Jesus and His journey on Earth, I notice that everything He said was controversial and against what the world and culture valued at the time. Yet He was still bold enough to say them anyway. And I believe, as Christians, we’re supposed to do the same.

 

For a while, I had considered getting a tattoo to represent everything God had walked me through. I thought it would be a great testimony if anyone saw my tattoo and asked me the meaning behind it. I finalized that I wanted the word worthy written on my forearm with a scripture reference that would use the word worthy and indicate someone’s worth.

But when I turned to the concordance in the back of my Bible and looked up the word worthy, I couldn’t find one single verse that stated that people were worthy of anything. In fact, the Bible repeatedly said we were NOT worthy. Welp. That was a bit discouraging.

Then I thought, “Well, silly me. That’s not wrong. We’re NOT worthy.”

But that thought sent me on a rabbit trail. Looking at today’s world, we’re all about declaring our worth and determined that we don’t deserve anything bad happening to us. I even found myself doing it quite often with comments that I would say to myself like, “I’ve been through enough. I deserve this good thing.”

We live in such a world that believes in the phrase, “do what makes you happy” more than we believe in serving others and putting other people’s happiness first. And I firmly believe that is the root problem to so many of our relationship issues.

I’m seeing so many families, marriages, and friendships all fall apart. And you know what I would say the main cause is? Selfishness.

 

One or all of the parties involved is being selfish.

It might not be you. I’m not pointing a finger. But in every broken relationship, there was some form of hurt. But the hurt was caused by selfishness. One person chasing their own selfish desire without considering the person it could hurt. What the worst part is, we would rather hurt someone than give up the thing we think we need or desire. Because this world teaches us to look out for ourselves first and others second.

It’s easy to believe this train of thought with the way the Enemy has moved it throughout our culture. We get hurt by someone and our world tells us that the correct response is, “Well I don’t need anyone anyway. I can take care of myself.” Or “I just need to love myself.”

These comments seem so innocent. But that’s often how the Enemy presents sin. Look at how he tempted Eve in the garden. Or even how he tried to tempt Jesus. His strategies have not changed. He focused on things that Eve and Jesus desired by pointing out what they were lacking and making it seem like it was a good thing. Jesus had been fasting. So Satan offered him food. Innocent, right? It seems like it would be.

But this is actually a sneaky way that the Enemy can trick us. He doesn’t always attack us in blatant ways like we might assume. In 1 Peter 5:8 it says, Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

I think it’s interesting how Peter described the Enemy to be like a lion. Have you ever watched a lion hunt its prey? They’re sneaky, quiet, and crafty. They spot out the weak one in the herd and pounce during the perfect time. The Enemy hunts you down in the same way. Waiting for the perfect time when you’re weak, vulnerable, and most susceptible to be attacked easily.

When he pounces, it can sometimes feel harsh. A million thoughts at once just attacking you causing you to think things you don’t want to think, the tears come streaming down because your head is so filled with chaos that it hurts. It’s in times like those that I will often yell at Satan out loud and exclaim, “Get out of my head, Satan!” Or often times I will repeat the name of Jesus over and over. The Enemy hates that name and I’ve noticed that when I repeat His name over and over, the Enemy tends to flee. How powerful is that? Just speaking the name of Jesus can make our Enemy flee. It just proves how powerful our God is.

But we have to be careful because unlike the lion, sometimes when the Enemy pounces, he is gentle and approaches us in ways that seem like he’s in our favor.

When we think of the Enemy getting into our thoughts, we often think of him saying things like,

“You’re not good enough for them.”

“No one is going to love you.”

“God doesn’t care about you.”

But often times his words are much more deceptive and convincible, like,

“You need to just do what is best for you.”

“They’re not serving you in this season and you just need to worry about what makes you happy.”

“You deserve to be happy and not have to settle for this.”

“You have tried so hard and God still isn’t giving you what you truly deserve. Maybe He doesn’t want you to be happy.”

“What they did to you is inexcusable. They don’t deserve forgiveness. After how well you treated them, they should have to come crawling back and asking for forgiveness before you give it to them.”

These thoughts may seem innocent at first and maybe even justifiable. But if you’re giving them more worth and attention than they deserve, then they can easily lead you to making poor decisions.

Sin always looks desirable and innocent at first, that’s why we choose to do it.

 

But we have to be sharp and watchful, making sure we’re not falling into the Enemy’s trap and listening to his sly comments to us.

—–

But why is loving yourself wrong? Isn’t that a good thing?

Like everything, I think this needs a balance. Of course we have to love ourselves in order to have the desire to keep living. But I think our world is idolizing this thought to the extent where it has become toxic.

2 Timothy 3:1- 9 warns us of all of this.

But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth. Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so these men also oppose the truth, men corrupted in mind and disqualified regarding the faith. But they will not get very far, for their folly will be plain to all, as was that of those two men.

Notice that the very first thing mentioned was lovers of self. I firmly believe that that was no accident. And when you look at all the other dishonorable traits, they could all easily stem from selfishness.

What may seem innocent may start out as innocent, but can lead to something much greater and more damaging.

So an imperfect person has hurt you and now your attitude is that you’re going to be strong for yourself and you don’t need anyone else and you can take care of yourself? That’s a wrong way to approach this hurt and actually just proves to me that you’re weak.

It proves to me that you are unwilling to forgive people. It proves that you don’t have the strength to work on relationships and trust others. That you’d rather take the easy path of bitterness than to work on yourself. Yes, bitterness is the easier path. It takes so much more work to heal and forgive. But it reaps a much larger reward.

I know it may seem like everyone is going to hurt you and that’s what the Enemy would have you believe, and you know what, they probably will. Because the world is full of imperfect people. But isolating yourself or becoming a lover of only yourself to avoid getting hurt again is not the answer.

Relationships are so important. We need others and others need us. The Enemy wants to isolate us because he knows how beneficial relationships are for people. So he gets in between people and destroys what he can.

 

If it feels like I’m speaking out of righteousness, just know that I have to give myself this lecture often. I’ve been hurt by others a lot, and harshly. And the Enemy would love to convince me that I need to just take care of myself and not bother getting too close to other people again.

So I understand the temptation and the desire to allow the bitterness to consume me and just chase things that would make me happy. But I know that that is a chase I will never finish running after. It doesn’t have a happy ending. It’s a very lonely, unfulfilling one. It looks promising. Yeah, the Enemy does a great job making it look super desirable. But it’s not. And unfortunately, too many people find out the hard way.

We have so many broken people in this world being tempted away from their families and relationships by being promised that they will receive all that they desire. Except receiving what they desire means a huge sacrifice for someone else. Is it really worth destroying someone else’s life to chase your own selfish desires and only search for your happiness?

Do what makes you happy. Only worry about yourself. That’s their problem. Are these really the thoughts we want to be thinking of other people?

—–

Maybe at this point you might be thinking, “Okay, but what about me? Am I just supposed to give everyone everything and not care about myself at all?”

Remember, balance. I’m not saying you need to go eliminate every single self-care regimen because it’s selfish. That’s not what I mean at all. I also don’t mean to imply that there aren’t relationships that need to end or have healthy boundaries set in place. Not every person is meant to have a huge role in your life your whole life.

But as a whole, our society seems to be so quick to think of ourselves before others. What I’m saying is that before you destroy a relationship or cut someone out of your life, let’s consider the other person or other people involved first.

I remember being in my empty home, pregnant and alone, looking at my situation and saying, “God, why did I deserve this? I have tried so hard to live my life for you. All I wanted was a happy marriage more than anything else and that doesn’t feel like a bad thing to ask for. Why does it seem like everyone else gets that except me?”

And I won’t put words in God’s mouth or say that He blatantly told me anything, but I will say that the response I felt like I received was, “It’s not your life.”

And that hit me. I remembered how I couldn’t find a verse to back up that I was worthy in the Bible. And I realized, I actually don’t deserve anything. I am a sinful human being who deserves permanent separation from God because of that sin.

But He sent His own Son as a sacrifice so that I could receive a gift from Him that I didn’t deserve: eternal life. John 12:25 says,

Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.

If we’re not willing to lay down our own selfish desires and live for Christ rather than ourselves, we can’t receive eternal life. We should be chasing after the treasures we can receive in Heaven, not the treasures of this world. If we are lovers of the world and worshipping what we receive on Earth, then we probably aren’t anticipating Heaven.

I quickly grabbed my journal and wrote,

This isn’t how I wanted my life to be. But my life is His, not mine. My life is to be used to honor and glorify Him, not for my own selfish desires. I want to make Him happy, not me happy. God gave me this life as a gift. He sent His own Son to die so that I could be with Him one day. I OWE MY LIFE TO HIM. Your will over my will, Lord.

I won’t lie. This isn’t always an easy thing to swallow. Some days the thought of this makes me angry and I wish I could make up my own rules for my life. I want the happy things that it feels like everyone else seems to get in this life, like a marriage and a growing family.

But the amazing thing is that while I know I owe my life to Him, that doesn’t eliminate His love for me.

 

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? -Romans 8:31-32

He still wants good for His children and wants to see them happy. So I firmly believe that one day He will restore my life. It’s not my job to go out and make that happen because it’s what I desire. It’s my job to do my best to live in His will and desire for me and trust in Him and His timing.

We may not be worthy of His love, but He gives it to us anyway. What a great example of how we should also be living our lives.

Let’s push away those selfish desires, shut out the Enemy, and turn those thoughts around into healthier ones.

Instead of: I’m going to do what makes me happy.

Let’s say: I’m going to do what is right and honorable and hope for a desired outcome.

Instead of: I deserve this.

Let’s say: I don’t deserve this, but I’m so thankful God is allowing me to have it anyway.

Instead of: I don’t need them. I just need to worry about me.

Let’s say: They have hurt me and because of that I will create healthy boundaries, but I won’t eliminate them from my life. I will do my best to not allow bitterness to rule my life and will love them despite the hurt they’ve caused.

Let’s love others well and seek ways to put them first, by laying down our loves and living for Christ.

 

 

Thank you for sharing!